Growing up, I always longed to be popular and have lots of friends. But making friends seemed like an uphill battle. I remember trying to be funny to make other kids laugh, but somehow, I guess I wasn't funny enough. My focus on friendships intensified when I had to attend a new school in 4th grade.
I remember thinking I had found a friend until she wanted to fight me "to make me stronger." Looking back, I should have run when she first suggested it. But I longed for friendship and didn't know how to assess what a real friendship was. Instead of running from the crazy girl, I allowed myself to become her target.
I remember hiding from her in the bathroom stalls, locking myself in and standing on the toilet so she wouldn't think I was there. But she was smarter than me at the time. She found me, and that day in the lunchroom, she declared she wanted to fight me to make me stronger. Because I thought she was my friend, I refused. But she didn't take no for an answer.
In that side hall of the cafeteria, she pressured me to hit her. All I felt was disbelief that my friend would do this. I closed my eyes as she threw a punch, feeling the pain of her blow and the embarrassment of the situation.
Looking back, I wish someone had taught me how to assess friendships. It's easy to think having friends is important, but it's more important to have the right kind of friends. What is a friend? A person with integrity. What aren't friends? People who pressure, abuse you, or are unkind to you. What are healthy friendships? Ones that encourage you to do the right thing, that want you to be happy and succeed, that aren't jealous or envious, and that give as much as they take.
Assess the people in your life today to ensure you have friends, not just people who claim to be. Ask loved ones and family members their thoughts on your friendships. Don't stay silent; share with others what's happening in your "friendships."
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